I don't know if it's due to the beginning of the new year (and decade, some would say) and everyone making their "goals that are not resolutions because resolutions are too typical but now everyone is making goals instead of resolutions so it's really the goals that are typical now", BUT this week has got me thinking.
I've dealt with wanting to go back to school for a while (okay, 7 years...)
(Wait a second, OMG--7 years?!?!?! It has not been 7 years since I graduated high school!! 2010-2003 = 7. Holy hell.)
um, anyway, I have been thinking about this for 7 years (I guess...) but I've always just pushed it to the back of my mind and ignored it. I might have looked up a school once or twice and perused the online courses, but that had been enough to stifle the annoyance for a while.
Plus, the yearly raises at work were enough to force me to settle. Then, before I knew it, I was telling myself that it was too late now to start over and that I couldn't survive on a lower income at a new job while I worked my way back up.
This past week, though, it just hit me. I can't do this anymore. I can't sit here and waste my life away in this cubicle doing mindless work that I hate. I want to do something meaningful and important and challenging and fulfilling.
I realized that it is incredibly sad to spend your life dragging yourself to work, counting down the minutes until you can leave and considering it a success when you didn't run out of the building screaming that day. What a waste. All my energy is spent dreading coming here and wishing that I didn't have to.
I mean, my job in itself isn't bad. It's easy work, the company is decent and the people I work with are (mostly) fine. It's definitely something that a person can be complacent with doing for the rest of their life. (And trust me--there are some "lifers" here. This place is kind of like a black hole.)
But I can't stand to think that that will be me. I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. Heck, I don't even want to do it for the rest of the week!!
So...it really has come to a boiling point. I can't ignore it anymore, my piss-poor salary isn't enough to placate me and I refuse to settle any longer. I'm tired of wanting to do something about it, I have to do something about it. The alternative is too scary not to try.
I'm starting today. Filling out some forms, doing some research, writing down some goals and ways to obtain them. I've enlisted my sister's help (she's a pro at going to school. hehe) and I'm feeling motivated. I can't let this just be wasted words. I have to follow through on this because my soul will literally die if I don't get out of here.
Maybe I've been reading too many Jason Mraz blogs, but I've been feeling all purposeful and Zen-y (dont worry, it's not too serious yet). I hate to admit it, but I find myself agreeing more and more with what he says and not thinking "he's so weird now" as much as I used to. I like to think that maybe he's toned down the crazy, but I think it's really me who is changing perspectives.
I'm encouraged to live intentionally and purposefully, to realize there is more to life and it's there for the taking.
And I'm not only encouraged in my own life, I want it for everyone around me.
I insisted that Steve set a goal to be a store manager by the end of the year. When he said that was too big, I found myself saying cliche things like, "Nothing is too big to dream!" and "That's why it's called a goal, because it's something that you strive for!". Cheesy, huh? :)
And then, two days ago, I found myself talking my mom into moving to Spain. As she became more and more convinced that this could actually be a possiblitly, there was a tiny part of my brain that was screaming, "WTF are you doing? do you really want your mother to move even farther away from you, to a foreign country? what the hell are you thinking?!" But the bigger part of me, the part that was encouraging her, was the part that I knew I truely believed in. It was saying, "Why not??"
When I asked her what she wanted to do for her--not for her mom and dad or kids or friends or anyone else-- what did she want to do (ala the Notebook. hehe), that was what she wanted. So what reason really could there be for her not to?
Besides, can you honestly look at this photo gallery without wanting to throw up and then become seriously depressed that you aren't there right now??
Because I haven't used enough cliche inspirational lines yet: Life is too short not to live it fully. Do what you desire, love wholeheartedly and for goodness sake, Be Happy. :)
I know this is long and cliche and borderline motivational speaker-ish. But I had to get it out! :)
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